Wednesday, August 29, 2012

My Mommy Heart

My Mommy Heart is full of lots of love because of all the special people in it, but sometimes it aches for more.

Do you ever feel that way?

I really should be working or catching up on photo books, but instead I find myself writing and needing to get this off my chest. 

Crew is 6 months old on September 2nd, 2012...where has the time gone?
It seems that the past 6 months have gone by so quickly...
My mommy heart gets sad when Crew grows out of clothes, moves up to the next diaper size, hits another developmental milestone because I know before the blink of an eye he is going to be one and walking and running around our house playing with Grayson.  Even though the thought of that sounds exciting and I can't wait to see them together I really wish the PAUSE button would work and I could just keep Crew as he is right now.
My heart hurts because I know that this could be our last baby.  I always said I only want two kids, but over the past several weeks my heart is saying just one more. 
Do you ever feel that way?
I have fear that if I don't listen to my heart that I will regret not doing so...
Will these feelings pass?
You would think that after 6 months of not sleeping through the night that I would not want another baby at this point in time, but that is not the case.
I already have baby fever...don't tell Chad...
My mind drifts to the thought of being pregnant again and having another bundle of joy to love a lot lately.  
I try to be realistic and think can WE handle another baby? 
If I am honest...right now we can't.
We are still trying after 6 months to find a balance between time with the boys together, one on one time with the boys, and time with just Chad and I.  My heart tells me that we need to get a better balance on these things before adding more. 
The next 6 months with Crew are going to fly by I just know it...
In the meantime I often sit and snuggle with him longer and I cherish at times the one on one time we have together in the middle of the night.  I really wanted to have a baby that will snuggle on my shoulder or snuggle up to my neck and Crew is that baby. 
It just melts my heart...

God knows our path for our family
I will just be still and pray for his wisdom and to show me the way.

I did this before getting pregnant with Grayson and 9 months later we had our miracle baby.
Only time will tell..
Thanks for listening...I feel a little bit better :)


Frank and Natalie said...

Aw! I feel the same way.... But I don't think my body can handle another pregnancy. I've been researching adoptions (don't tell frank). I've always heard that you will never regret the babies you do have.....

Crystal said...

I feel this way often but I agree, we are still learning our balance. It's good, but it could be better. Ryan is adimant that this is our last but I think in 5 years, maybe well have just one more ;) when both the boys are in school and life is a little easier to juggle. I find myself snuggling longer and being sad for those milestones too. I think the feelings will pass, for a while, and I'm sure they will return when I take Parker to Kindergarten. We will see, maybe my heart will be full by then :) Glad I'm not the only one feeling this way right now with my 6 month old!

Stori Wann said...

I will just say this - I'm the 3rd of three, my parents already had a girl and a boy and every reason to stop, but they didn't and I am soooo glad they didn't.

I have never heard anyone regret the children they had, but I have heard many, many people say that they wish that they had had more!

Praying for wisdom for you!

Jamie said...

Ive been a long time reader but today your post struck my mommy heart & I HAVE to write back! Our boys are just a few days apart. My son turned 6 months on the 28th of this month (sigh)... Although he is my first of hopefully 3... You words are SO true to me. We all want our children to grow healthy & to reach the next step, however why does it happen so fast? One day he was snuggling on my chest barely opening his eyes and the next day hes rolling ALL over the house laughing!

You are not alone in wanting to push the pause bottom & enjoying those 3am snuggle sessions... Lord knows I hold him so tight at 3am & most nights would rather just sleep there in the chair with him!

Enjoy every second with Crew & while you are, maybe another miracle will make itself known!

<3 Jamie

Traci said...

The older wiser people that I know almost always say "I wish we would have had one more". How many times do you hear that?

The Howell's said...

Yes! I feel the same way, and have for a while. I always said I wanted two kids, but for the last year and a half, I've had baby fever. I keep pondering the idea of having a third. I am torn! I always ask myself,do I have a third or not? If I don't, will I always regret it? Awe, so hard.

Raquel said...

I think your "mommy heart" is just echoing mommy things. I get sad to when I pack clothes away or realize " baby toys" are no longer being played with. You will know in your heart what is right for your family. For now keep living in the moment, it goes by so fast.

Lea Liz said...

Wow I feel like you just took my exact thoughts and feelings and wrote them down... I feel the EXACT same way. I always wnated 5 kids and then I said okay maybe only two but my heart has been aching some too. I have baby fever too and I don't feel my family will feel "complete" or my heart until I have a third. Some days I think 2 is enough especialy in this econompy and the way things are going but.... I think I really want that third!!!!

I know how you feel girl!!!!! :)

Shelley said...

You just never know! I had three babies in three years. They are now ages 13,11, and 10...ALL girls! I got pregnant with the youngest when the middle one was 5 months old. Maybe your mommy heart is telling you something :) Your boys are adorable!

The Mommy said...

I have six and three year old girls and we thought that we wanted another, but I honestly didn't think I could handle another. The thoughts of being pregnant and caring for two while managing the house, homeschooling and often parenting single with my husband's frequent travel for work seemed overwhellming. I sincerely prayed and one day was overcome with the most amazing peace and contentment with the way things are now and the two that I have. Sometimes I see a baby and want another one, but in my heart I know that it's just a fleeting want. Sometimes I do feel sad about not being pregnant or having another little baby, but God has given me such peace.

Emmie :) said...

My Max is 2 years old and I have felt the same way since he was born. I hope our family isn't done growing; like you, I can't imagine not snuggling a teeny, tiny baby again. Your boys are absolutely precious. :)

Leslie said...

Thank you for sharing! And your words said it perfect and spoke to my heart ;)

I feel that way lately now that Brett is reaching one in a few weeks. Part of me thinks I am ready to have another one and then I think about Moms like yourself that remind me of that "balance" that can be hard to find. I've told myself like you "God will guide me when our time is right." but it's hard when we want to control ;)

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling those feelings when Brett reaches a milestone or grows out of that favorite outfit I love to see him wearing! It's silly!! But more than anything, I'm just trying to hold on tight to those moments!! He pushed me away tonight after his bottle and wanted in his bed. No!!! Snuggle with me ;)

Again, thanks for sharing!

Treva said...

I certainly understand how you feel. I have a 5 yr old, 3 yr old and 2 yr old. My two oldest will start kindergarten and preschool next week and it is SO bittersweet. I would love to have just " one more baby" but I know my life is full enough and It's only going to get busier with school age kids. I can say that truly felt like my family "wasn't quite complete" when it was just our 2 sweet boys. God gave us a third baby....a feisty pistol of a little girl. God answered my prayers and threw in a little humor. ( I tell
myself that EVERDAY when she runs me haggard). But if you have the feeling in your heart I feel God places it there for a reason. Having 3 little ones is crazy crazy but amazing and awesome!

Fabiola said...

You said out loud what has been weighting on my heart : ) I hope you find peace on whatever decision you make.

Dan & Cari Lamb said...

Just had to comment. I so know how you feel. Even though I've always said we would have 3, we have our hands full with 2 (an almost 3 year old and an almost 1 year old) and I'm longing for a baby now. I made myself a couple of months ago stop and slllloowww my thinking down. In my brain I am in a rush to have my kids and "complete" my family so we can have family vacations and family pictures that feel more complete and purchase the house of our dreams that fits our family, but there is no rush really. Why would I want to rush on something that I'll treasure so much when I do have it. We're going to wait a couple of years. Get through the craziness of the kiddo's stages right now and then get right back to it by adding another one to the mix. When we had #2 our doctor said something that resounds with us "Going from 1 to 2, you're still man on man defense, but once you go from 2 to 3, you go to zone defense." But, my favorite quote is "You might regret not having another one, but you will never regret having another one." Good luck and lots of prayers and mommy hugs!

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