Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

First I would like to take the time to write a short letter to my mom:
Happy Mother's Day Mom! I hope that you have a great day! I truly wish that I could be with you today. But always know that I am thinking of you on your special day. Thank you for being a such kind, caring, thoughtful, loving, supportive mom. I don't know what I would do without you in my life. You are a great mom to all your girls, a great grandma to Aidan and Drew, a great daugther to your parents, and a great friend. I look forward to the day that I can be a wonderful mom just like you...
Lot of Love Day and Everyday
Your Daugther Melissa
Mother's Day seems to get harder and harder to celebrate, I guess this is because for the past few years I have wanted to be a mother just like everyone around me. I always thought that I would be a mother by now, but it hasn't happen so today is a tough day for me. I read this poem earlier this week and it truly is how I feel and to all my friends and sisters who have never faced infertility this poem is not meant to be hurtful it is just how I feel and I love all my friends and sisters and they are wonderful mom's to their kids. This poem gives me HOPE and says so much about how I feel sometimes.
There are women who become mothers without effort,
without thought, without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life,
the people who truly have appreciation
are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child,
knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him
and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense;
that God has given me this insight,
this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to
or a child that God leads me to,
I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend,
and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment,
as I have been betrayed by my own body.
I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face,
yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me,
I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine,
of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
So today if you know someone that is longing to be a mother please be sensitive about the feelings they are having today and pray for them today that they will get their dream of being a mother some day soon. Happy Mother's Day!


Randall @ Happy For This Moment said...

What a lovely note to your mom, I hope she has a lovely mother's day!

Shelly said...

Thank you , and I pray everyday that your dreams come true, and they will.....I love you with all my heart and soul..

Ashley said...

What a sweet note! Next year, is your year, I am telling you! And there will be 2!!! ;) I pray each night that your prayer will come true. Trust the Lord, he wants to provide the desires of your heart to you.... Love you!

Anonymous said...

Good Morning and I thank you for taking your time to write down your thoughts and share with us. I find myself at times when I am tired and wore out from raising two sons that I am the lucky one that gets to have them in my life and my thoughts come to you because I know you would love to be tired and wore out by your own precious child. You are already a awesome auntie to my boys and they are blessed to have you in their little lives. I look forward to being apart of your journey of being a mom and I will continue to be there for you through this. I love you and thanks for being so strong and also sharing with us that don't or haven't gone through what you and Chad are going through. Love Always, Amie

Anonymous said...

What a sweet message to your Mommy.

Thinking about you a lot, my cyber friend. Still got you covered in prayers. You are so loved, Melissa. HUGS!

Kelly said...

I have a feeling next mother's day will be one of your best days ever. I know today is hard - praying for you so much!

Dina said...

I love this poem. It describes so much of what I feel. We have also been trying for 2 years, we started in May 2007. Our first IVF cycle was cancelled due to me not stimming and now we're on our 2nd. Just started a mini flare protocol and started 4 shots a day today. Microdose Lupron in AM/PM and Follistim AM/PM plus dexamethasone. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and for me. I pray that this is your time.

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