I write in my blog to unload my thoughts and clear my mind and today is one of those days. My heart is heavy with lots of concerns. So instead of keeping them to myself or having a pity party for myself I thought that I would write about it and hope that it helps. Here it goes and I hope it clears my mind for awhile, but if not I will take just a few moments.
Last week when I was in Montana I attended Michael David Guelff's Funeral and since than my mind has been thinking about this family. I have known this family since I was in junior high. Steve Guelff was my one of my teachers and his son Michael who is 22 was killed in a car accident.
It was truly amazing to see all the people show their love in support for the Guelff Family, they had the service at the high school that Michael attended and many loving and caring people filled the gymnasium. I remembered Michael as a young boy and to see what he accomplished in his short life was truly amazing. I am deeply sad for his parents. Steve and Michelle are amazing people that don't deserve this at all. It makes me think about life and what is important. Over the past few years the only thing that was and is important to me was getting pregnant in fact I think about it every day. It is my life. Many of you might relate to my story and understand the pain of dealing with infertility and some of you can't and that is fine. But while I was sitting at the service with my sister Amie it made me realize that I could be gone one day and worrying day in and day out about getting pregnant is not the way I want to live my life. I want to enjoy each and every day and praise God for the life that he has given me. Because my life can be taken just as Michael's life was taken. Because I truly have an amazing life outside of this one obstacle. I have thought about my life and how am I going to step away from thinking about having a baby when that is the one thing that I want and I just cry because it is so hard to walk away. So what is a girl to do? Any advice out there? I could use some right about now before I go crazy. I not going to go crazy don't worry I just don't want to continue pondering over something that is not in my control. However I don't want my friends and family to think that the only thing that I have focused on is having a baby and I have not enjoyed my life. Truly I think that some of my friends and family would say this. I want to be remembered and thought of as Michael was during his life. So if I was gone tomorrow what would people think of me? What can I do differently in my life to enjoy it and be positive about what I have instead of what I don't have? So if you have any words of wisdom for me send it my way I could use all the support I can get. It is a hard because I know that there is a lot of hurt in this world. Not only are the Guelff family hurting but there are many more families hurting. Please pray for the Guelff family for healing and strength to get through these difficult days.