Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Grateful for my Blog

I don't think I would have been able to get through the past few months without my blog and the wonderful people I have met through my blog. It is strange that I can find great comfort in my struggles with infertility by reading other bloggers struggles with infertility. It amazes me that there are in fact a lot of people that struggle with infertility... I always felt alone. I felt alone because all my close friends and family have not had any issues getting pregnant. They don't know how it feels to try each month to get pregnant and at the end of the month discover that it didn't happen is heartbreaking. They don't know how it feels to under go test after test to discover nothing is wrong with you. Yes something is wrong I can't get pregnant is the thoughts I have every time we got the results back saying you are fine. They don't know how it feels to go to kid's birthday parties and celebrate birthdays when all you want is to celebrate your own child's birthday party. They don't know how I feel when friends and family tell me they are expecting, how could they... they have never faced infertility. Infertility is in my life and it has changed me over the past few years. I don't want people to be sensitive to the fact that I do not have kids I just want to feel normal, but that is not the case. People close to me are afraid to ask how things are going, they are fearful that I am going to break down, they are worried that they may hurt my feelings, whatever it is it seems as if this thing called infertility takes over and I just wish sometimes that I could go back two years ago and feel normal. The sense of feeling normal in the blog world is helpful because there are in fact so many people that have faced infertility or are facing it today. I love getting their love and support... I feel normal and okay around these people. I just wish I could feel this way around everyone else. Will this change or will I always feel this way? So I would have to say that I am very grateful for my blog and it is great therapy to me...

14 comments:

Lynn said...

I have been reading your blog for a couple of months, I clicked over from Kelly's Korner. You have been so open with your infertility and it has been a real eye opener to me. Fortunately for me I have not struggled with this issue, but your story has given me a new look at what infertility feels like to those that do struggle and I believe will help my level of awareness and sensitivity. Thanks for blogging about something so real!! -Lynn

Katie Spinks said...

I feel the same way - I started my blog so I could find and connect to people on here who struggle to get pregnant as I am... so thats for writing about your feelings because I feel them too.

Veronica said...

Melissa,

I will admit that I am one of the ones who doesn't always know what to say. I don't want my words to come across as being rude or insensitive. I can never even pretend to know what you're going through, but I just want to let you know that I think of you often and I am always praying for you. You were on my heart last night. I prayed that your time will come soon! The Lord knows what the plan is...I will continue to stand firm on his promises, and continue to pray for your little miracle.

Love,
Veronica

Miranda Robertson said...

Melissa,

I started reading your blog after Amie sent me an invitation to read hers. After reading all of your posts and hearing about all of the challenges you have gone through over the past two years I just want to hug you. I think it is brave to write about something so personal. You inspire me to open up more to friends about challenges in my own life. I hope you know friends are forever and I'm so glad to know you and call you my friend. I hope so much you are able to conceive. You are loving and kind and I think meant to be a mother.

Love, Miranda

Mary Kate said...

God Bless you...I know exactly how you are feeling right now!!!

Amie and Brian said...

Hi, well I just want to thank you for allowing me to be so involved through your journey and honest with me on how you feel when we talk on the phone and through the blog. I respect you and Chad for letting me be apart of this and you both are with me each day. By you expressing how you feel to me honestly it has shown me more of a perspective on what is important to me and what I shouldn't hang onto. You are so strong and honest and I thank you for that. We love you and you know that I am here for you. Thanks for calling me each day or allowing me to call you. Love you, Amie

Our Curly Girls said...

((((Melissa)))) I am thankful we met through the blogging world. I wish I had this kind of online journal with support from those around the country when I was going through my painful journey. Friends and family need to know how isolating this can be! Even if you don't know what to say or how to be, just love and support a couple who desperately wants a child. I had some friends and neighbors say the most ridiculous things to make me "feel better"...they honestly did not know what to do or say, but I am sure they meant well. I am sure you get an earful.

The best thing for friends and family is just to listen, be there, and have heart oozing with compassion and love. Staying away hurts big time. :( The person struggling will let you know if they need space.

The pain does get better, Melissa...it does, but it never goes away entirely. I am thankful that I can remember that pain and understand the sensitive nature of the issues. I really went through a kind of grieving cycle--shock, anger, depression, and ultimately acceptance. Lean on God and your hubby. Even my husband had days he had NO idea what to say or do...but we are a stronger couple because of our infertility journey. Often people forget that the male in the struggling to conceive is hurting, too.

I honor your honesty, sensitivity. I wish I could hug you!!!!

Jennifer said...

I really appreciate your openness & honesty. Often I wish I could go back 4 years ago, when I too, felt normal. I actually fit in with our group of friends, and there wasn't this stigma of now being the only one without, not ONE, but TWO, kids, like everyone else. I hate this situation that we're in and wish I had the words to fix it and make people like us feel better, but I don't...

Stuart and Sarah Creamer said...

Amen sister! I never knew how comforting my blog with infertility would be also. How there are so many people praying for Stuart and I- whom we don't know or those whom we will never meet! It is such a blessing! I am praying for you and your miracle baby!

Twice as Nice said...

What I thought would take 9 months took me 8 1/2 years. It is very hard and it does consume you. How could it not? Every women is different but I needed surgery to correct somethings and when I did finally get pregnant after about 7 years they put me on progesterone to help hold the pregnancy. Well, I miscarried. Then I went almost another year trying then I called my doc. and said I thought I needed to be put on progesterone BEFORE I got pregnant. He said we would do some blood work. After a few months of blood work and the nurse saying I was going to have to have more I asked to talk to the doctor. I told him I thought I needed to get on it NOW and he said okay lets try. I got PREGNANT THAT month and now I have a 13-year-old son!! HAPPINESS. Now my boss has lupus and is on all kinds of drugs. She use to be cold all the time but now is hot. Her doctor told her that was because she has a lot of progesterone in her body. Well, I am ALWAYS COLD. I have a space heater at work going all the time. When she told me that I thought well perhaps that is why I am always cold...no progesterone. Perhaps if all fails see if they can check for that. I'm sure you get a lot of advice but who knows...:o)

Ashley said...

Melissa, I just love you. You are such a great person inside and out and I love hearing your journey of trying to get pregnant. Although I haven't gone through the same experience, I know how it feels to be confused and not understand why life has to throw some curve balls at times. Continue to be patient and pray and know God has His hand on you and Chad. Me and my Chad pray for you EVERYNIGHT!!! I think about you all the time. I can't wait for us to get together again soon, we need to go walk!!! It's been so nice outside. Have a good day!

The Wiscott's said...

Melissa,
I know how you feel with the infertility, we have been trying for 3 years and just finally had our first IVF procedure in March. Unfortunately the outcome wasn't what we wanted, but we are willing to try again but with our schedules we won't be trying until late summer. Good luck and thanks for sharing your blog.
Tara

Audrey Grace said...

Thanks for sharing your story. I've just started reading through your blog and I recently started my own (http://journeytobabychambers.blogspot.com/2012/01/dear-friends.html). Check it out.

Audrey Grace said...

I've just started reading through your history and your blog because I started my own and it's been helpful. Thanks for sharing your story...I'm looking forward to reading more. Here's my blog: http://journeytobabychambers.blogspot.com/2012/01/dear-friends.html

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