I tried to write this post yesterday after church, but I was a bit sad and emotional so I decided that I would wait until today to write a wonderful message on Desperation. Desperation is the act of being desperate or recklessness arising from despair. I would say that I feel desperate at times to become pregnant and I have allowed myself to do things that I would normally not do. The biggest disappointment I have during our journey to become parents is shutting the door on my friends and family. With this many of my friendships are not the same. I am not happy about it and I at this point I am not sure how to repair those broken friendships. I would say the friendships that I still have are the friends that did not give up on me and just stuck by my side even on tough days. I know that I have been reckless with allowing myself to let infertility run my life. But when you are living it day after day it is hard to let it go and live a normal life. I truly want to be normal and be able to get pregnant so easily, but the fact is that is not the case. I have to count days, I have to plan trips or my husband has to plan business trips around my ovulation days. I or we have to decide what the next steps will be in our journey to become parents. The summer is over and now we need to decide what the next steps will be to become parents. I or we have to spend or have already spent a large amount of money on fertility treatments and we will continue to until we become parents. So it is hard to stop thinking about all the details of becoming parents it is on my mind every day. I know that the best position for me to be in is to GIVE IT TO GOD and let him guide us through this journey and accept that it is in GOD'S HANDS. However that is easier said than done! My husband however has GIVEN IT TO GOD and is doing much better with accepting that it is GOD'S WAY and when the time is right we will be parents. I am not quite there yet. But I am happy to say that yesterday at church I had a moment where GOD was drawing me to him. I went to the alter yesterday at church and LAID IT ALL DONE AGAIN. I asked God to be near me and show me the way back to him, because he is the only thing that I should want or need. I need him to help me and show me that he is near and he will never let go of me.
In closing this post I want to share with you what I learned during the wonderful message our Pastor perched on "Desperation." Desperation leads you to Fear or Faith. Desperation Leads you to a Lie or Truth. Desperation leads you Away from God or To God. Desperation leads you to Death or Life. Today I will choose to have Faith, believe in the Truth of God's Word, I will run To God, and live my LIFE to the fullest as God would want me to do.
Draw Near to God and He will Draw Near to You - James 4:8
As I am desperate for a baby what in your life are you desperate for and can I walk with you in your journey. I would love to hear your story.
Have a Blessed Monday!