Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Thanks - Love - Help

It warms my heart to read all the comments from my last post. Desperation is a big part of my life and having all your love and support to look at each day means the world to me. I send love and BIG hugs to all of you.

To all my followers I need some advice. I feel as if I have ruined a few relationships with my friends and family because I have shut the door to them this past year. I have shut the door to them because I didn't want to hear some of the stereotypical comments that all of us hear when we are going through infertility and TTC. It does not make me feel better at all. In fact it hurts because until you walk in those shoes you don't know how it feels. Now I feel those relationships have suffered because of the actions. So I am asking today for help in mending those relationships. How do I go about making everything better? How do I allow them into my life and not be scared of what will happen if I do? I desperately want to mend these relationships and I need help.
Will you help me?

11 comments:

The Williamson's said...

I have enjoyed reading your blog being a woman in my 30's and TTC as well. Your blog has been a great way to know that I am not the only one out there. I too have lost many friends throughout life's trials and tribulations. I also ponder whether or not to get back in touch. On many occasions I have opened a line of communication and at times the invitation has been given back or not. I just have to remember God opens the doors that should stay open and closes the doors for us that shouldn't. Good luck in your journey either way.

Jen said...

I went to Woman of Faith this year and one of the ladies talked on just this very subject. She said with friendships you have to hold them loosley in your heart. Also, a rich relationship has to have an investment from both persons.
With this being said: here is what I try to live by... Do what is best for you at that time in your life. Maybe where you were throughout this year is NOT where you are now. If so go to your friends and love ones and tell them you need them in your life where you are now. If they are willing to put things in the past then they really do love you and if they are not then they are not the people GOD wants in your ife.
I hope this helps you. I love reading your blog!

Hansen Family said...

As we spoke on the phone this evening.. I hope that with our daily conversations and sometimes the unspoken words or asking questions on what is next that our relationship is not ruined because I didn't directly ask you. I am sorry for your pain and hope that even though my questions weren't there when we spoke on the phone that I am truly there each step of your journey and if I lived there I would walk each day with you, hold your hand and give you hugs to comfort you when you are down. I will continue to listen and be here for you and continue to check in on you as you do this with me each day. Thank you for being my sister and best friend! I hope I am living up on my end. Please let me know if I am ever doing something that hurts you. Love you always, I just finished uploading the video of Aidan and Drew. I hope they can bring a smile to your beautiful face!

Hansen Family said...

Hi again~ also remember that GOD loves you and as I slowly read the Crazy Love book, it always seems to come back that GOD loves you and is already there with you from the very beginning of each of your journies of your life

Ashley said...

Melissa, I think that everyone in life should understand that there are things that happen that upset us and get us down. It's human nature and it's the way that God made us. But people need to remember that Jesus forgave us for our sins and also "forgives and forgets" the moment that we sin!

If you have hurt friends or family in the past through your pain, if they truly love you they will forgive you the moment you ask forgiveness. God calls us to all have forgiving hearts. I can't tell you how many times friends have hurt me, broken my heart, and even stomped on me but I have willingly let them back in my heart and often times just tried to forget and take the "high road" when someone hurts me. I choose to direcly be friends with people like you that are easy to talk to and will always have an open loving friendship with me. Friends that don't see that aren't worth your time. But, please try to mend them and pray about it and at least try, if they don't recipricate then simply move forward and know there is something better out there to work on.

I love you and remember "A friend is to love at all times". . .

I love ya!
Ash

rae said...

I totally understand where you are coming from. My very best friend and I got pregnant at the same time (within 2 weeks of each other). The day she told me she was pregnant, was the day I found out I was pregnant. I miscarried at 9 weeks, and she had a beautiful healthy baby girl nine months later. A few months after I miscarried when my husband and I started trying again we found out we were battling infertility. Apparently it was a miracle that I got pregnant on my own, even though I miscarried. Her little girl had her third birthday last month, and my husband and I are still going through fertility treatments. She moved a few hours away a few years ago, and it was just easier not to talk to her or see her family. I deeply regret that I do not have a relationship with her daughter. My friend still does not know about my infertility. None of my close friends do. I have tried making more of an effort to talk to and spend time with her, but it seems like too much time has passed. I truly hate it I let my infertility affect my friendships. (That is just one example. sad to say there are more) If you get any great advice please pass it on because I could use it!! I love reading your blog. I admire how honest you are. Good luck, and I will say a little prayer for you.

Ashley Jo Anglin said...

My sister in law called me yesterday(We were due on the same date) to tell me she saw her baby and the heartbeat on an utrasound. I was crushed and made an excuse to get off the phone. She has said she doesnt want this baby. It hurts after just losing a baby. I need to work on this.
That said, you got some great advice above. I think you should pray about it and let God lead you. Apologize if you need to. Be truthful and honest about your feelings. I have a friend whom I love dearly who is TTC and sometimes pushes me away. I didnt understand that until recently. Wanting to be pregnant and wanting to be a mother can be so painful when others around you have babies. Your honestly and willingness to mend these relationships is awesome. I will keep praying for you...

Summer said...

Hi,
I am new to your blog... I found ya from Kelly's Korner... I too battled fertility issues for over 2 years, several miscarriages, finally had my miracle baby girl, and when she was 5mths old was diagnosed with Dermatamyositis, Lupus, RA. I am so grateful to have my precious baby and I fight everyday to stay healthy for her! God works in mysterious ways and you to will one day have a precious baby! Think Good thoughts... I did when I was using the fertility monitior, ovulation calculator, etc. The Doctors said it was a miracle I even had a child, and that I didn't die when they had to take her by emergency C-Section at 36 wks.... Sooo I know what you are going through... It is sooo difficult to here other people are having babies when you are trying so hard. Let me share a story with you... After a year of trying I got pregnant with our first child and at 12 wks we went to obgyn and they gave us pics and everything and then the dr. came in and the baby's heart stopped beating... We were devastated... As we sat downstairs to confirm with another ultrasound there was a young girl like 14 laughing about having to pee with her mom... It just didn't seem fair... I had to leave the room... Now I pray for these girls but then I passed lots of judgement... I even lost a few friends when they would get pregnant and act like oh what am I gonna do... And I was trying sooo hard to have a baby.... Just one... Sooo with that said I am a success story now and you to will be.... Don't give up... I will say a prayer for you....
Summer :0)

Summer said...

It's me again, I am such a dork... after all the rambling I didn't even answer your question... If you want to mend your relationships... try with a simple phone call or e-mail and go from there... If God wants them in your life they will be... and if they are true friends they will want to be there for you good and bad... and they will understand and forgive the bad...
:0)

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for sometime and never commented until now. I am much older than you and lost my only child five years ago. I have come to realize that there is a reason for everything. People come into our lives for a reason and depart our lives for a reason. We may never know answers but we can live our life, however it unfolds and in a meaningful way.Maybe not the way we had planned. My heart goes out to you and your dear husband. Love each other.

The Trendy Couple said...

I have been down the road you are on! I have wrecked relationships because of infertility and just "not wanting to hear it anymore" I can honestly say that today I am closer to the people that did not put me in that place! Take the relationship and people who are supporting you and hold them close and the others let them persue you. If they don't then they weren't that good of friends to begin with! I know that might sound harsh, but it is what has helped me tremendously.

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Designed By:

Munchkin Land Designs

unique stats

Vistors since January 15th, 2010
 
Designed by Munchkin Land Designs • Copyright 2012 • All Rights Reserved