Sunday, March 29, 2009

Heavy on my Heart

Do you ever have moments or situations in your life that weigh heavy on your heart? I do and today I am going to express what is heavy on my heart and seek words of encouragement from all of you reading. Some of you are aware that my husband Chad and I have been trying to conceive a baby for the past two years. And the struggle of not being able to have a baby and the disappointments of failure each month does weigh heavy on my heart. I strongly believe that sharing my thoughts is my therapy. So if you don't mind sitting back and listening I could use a few friends. I have learned over the past few weeks that TTC naturally will not happen for us. We are going to have to have the helping hands of doctors again. I will have to admit that at first I was disappointed and had a unsettling feeling in my stomach about seeking help, but when you want something so bad you have to put aside your feelings and just go for it! I am telling everyone that is reading that over the next month Chad and I are going through a cycle of IVF. The feelings I have about IVF is one of hope that the doctor's will be able to do what we are unable to do. I have given my freedom of getting pregnant to the doctor's and I will have faith and hope that it will work and all my dreams will come true. Some of the nervous events that will take place are daily shots twice a day for a few weeks, than adding another shot, than another, and so forth until the day of egg retrieval. I am walking through this with a positive outlook and as the days unfold I will continue to share some details of our journey through IVF. I ask that my friends and family continue to pray for us during this time and with the use of our blog you will be able to walk in our journey with us. This is the easiest way for us to share our infertility journey without getting emotional and also letting it be what it will be. Plus some day we can share our journey with our kids. (I hope!) We ask that you please respect the sensitive nature of our journey and when the time comes we will share our journey through TTC with you.
If any one has ever struggled with infertility my heart goes out to you and if you have any encouraging words for us I open my eyes to your words of encouragement or advice. I do have great compassion for any one that struggles with having a baby. I had no idea until I was faced with infertility issues that it was so difficult to have babies. And if you are walking in those shoes today or in the past I do have compassion for you all. My god bless you soon!
I hope that today's blog allows our friends and family to understand the journey that we have been on for some time and will understand our heartache for the past few years. For the next month Chad and I have decided that we will create a positive environment of great support from friends and family in order to walk through this journey with peace and little to no concern of getting pregnant, because from this day forward it is not in our hands. We can only have faith and hope!
So now I am signing off to come up with a list of things that I enjoy doing on my own as well as things that we both can enjoy doing together.
BTW... you can find a infertility roadmap on the right hand side of our blog page... we have been through a lot over the past few years!

What is heavy on your heart?


Ashley said...


You are such a sweet person. I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed getting to know you through your blog, but then having the honor of sitting next to you at church. Your hugs mean so much to me and I can tell each Sunday that you are so happy to be there... you and Chad both. I want you to know that I am here for you. I would love to be a prayer partner with you and help you walk through this battle. We need to plan a dinner date, even with the guys one night! My Chad would love that too!

Have faith and be strong. God is so good girl. I went off my birth control and it took me and Chad over a year to get pregnant. When we FINALLY did get pregnant, I lost the baby. I was devestated. It took 8 more months following the miscarriage to get pregnant, and God finally blessed us again. It was so hard. The road was long and it seemed like FOREVER. But, in the midst of the storm we continued to seek Him and through a hard time of our relationship God blessed us with being pregnant in September of this year. It was perfect timing and gave Chad and I the dream we always wanted. Again, it wasn't easy, the road to the glory was so hard!

Remember that God knows our hearts and desires and wants to fulfill those within each of us. Pray daily that during this time of not understanding that God will give you a peace and show you even something else in your life. God could be growing you and Chad and preparing you for this amazing moment that could happen in 2010! That could be your year! ;)

In the meantime, I am praying for you daily and will continue to do so constantly! I wake up in the middle of the night all of the time and start praying for everyone that I know. You will be in my prayers! Love you and we'll talk more when we see each other!!!!! E-mail me your number...

The Pifer's said...

Honey I am praying for you!!! And your right only Faith and Hope as well as leaving our fears in God's hands will get us through this journey!!! God Bless and LOTS of prayers!

Liam and Seamus' Mommy said...


I also had issues concieving. It broke my heart. After a few years of trying and many tests and a miscarriage later, they found that my hormones were out of balance. They found that I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom. The local DR's were not very knowledgable about this - at the time. I then went to see an fertility endocrinologist in Tulsa. (This all while working in Imports :-)). He told me that I would NEVER be able to have a baby on my own. That it would be best to try IVF or adoption.

Long story short....I finally asked him if there were any fertility studies in the area. Turned out that he had one going. I was eligible - but had to drive back and forth DAILY to Tulsa. Of course - I did it. It was for a fertility medication - some what similar to Clomid. It included a lot of ultrasounds - which was very cool to see how your body cycles. Well...end result was my first son Liam. He will always be very special to me because of all I went through to have him.
A year later we decided to try for number 2. But with the cost of the medicine WITH OUT the trial was very expensive - we did one round. Unfortunately, it did not take. We decided that we were blessed with Liam and were happy with that. Five months later I found out I was pregant again - with out assistance - with Seamus!!

I am sharing this with you so that you know - keep trying!!! Don't take no as an answer and ask questions! If needed - do what it takes. It will happen with or with out help.

It can be trying both physically and mentally - but I know that you will keep the faith and hope and that it will happen eventually.

If you ever need to chat - let me know.


Kelly said...

I just wanted you to know that I've been praying for you a lot lately. In fact, I prayed for ya'll as we were walking after we passed ya'll today because I know how much you so badly want to be out walking a baby. I felt that way last year. Then I came home and read this. I'll be praying so much for you now. I know how hard an IVF cycle is because we were all prepped for one before we got pregnant. I hope that VERY soon - we can take a walk together with our strollers around the neighborhood.
My heart hurts for you because I know the pain you are feeling. Seriously - come knock on my door anytime if you just want to vent or talk it out or cry. I know it's so hard but I have faith that you will have a child!

Anonymous said...

Melissa and Chad, this is a perfect way to express your journey and I believe that people that truly care and respect you will respect your journey in the next few months and will give you the space you need to get through this. Remaining positive and believing in each other is what you both have. You truly love each other for who you both are and you WILL have a baby to share your unconditional love to soon. You already know that I am always here for you whenever you need me call and I will always be your sister. We are blessed to have you and Chad in our life and I really look forward to being there for you and Chad....
What is heavy on my heart.... I feel pretty blessed right now with not a whole lot that is heavy on my heart but from time to time I still worry about my unborn son and his health. I just try to remain positive and think that everything is fine with him but as being responsible for the growth of a baby inside me is huge and sometimes worries me but it is out of my hands. May God be with all of us through each of our journey, I love you Melissa and Chad.

Aidan loves you too, his spiderman bubble machine broke his heart today, it doesn't blow bubbles...... He told me that Auntie Lissa will fix it.

The Back Ali said...

I just want you to know that I will be praying for you, my sister in Christ. I understand what you are going through because I am living it right now. I have a 10 year old daughter and we've been TTC for the last 4 years. Not to go into too many details for time sake but i've got ovulation problems that are being corrected as we speak! A friend of mine gave me a book called Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize. She had to special order it from books-a-million. I wouldn't say that i'm completely on board with everything in the book but it's so full of scriptures and you can't go wrong with God's word! She has a chapter of prayers to pray about conception and i'd like to send one to you!

Thank you, Father, that you designed and fashioned Melissa to have children, that in the Bible barrenness was the exception, not the rule, not Your will, not normal, something against Your plan and purpose. And in Your goodness and faithfulness, every barren woman in the Bible who was godly and believed Your Word became pregnant; You opened her womb and blessed her, and she gave birth to a precious baby just as Melissa will. You make the barren woman to keep house and to be a joyful mother of children.
You said, Father, that because You are our God and we are Your people and have a covenant with You, that You will love us and bless us and multiply us and bless the fruit of Melissa's womb and that neither male nor female among Your people would be barren. In Jesus precious name I pray, Amen!

Thank you for your blog and I feel privileged to be on this journey with you!

Veronica said...

Please forgive me if I don't have the right words to express to you exactly how I feel. I am so sorry that you are going throught this right now. Please, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Remember that the Lord told us he would never leave us or forsake us. I am praying that you'll feel God's presence during this time and that your faith in Him will grow stronger. You will have a mighty testimony when it's all over. God is good...all the time!

Anonymous said...

(((((Melissa) My days of infertility were so dark. There were days I was so thankful that my friends prayed for me because I was so exhausted and down and felt like I just couldn't do it another moment. The Lord is with you, I promise--even during those days filled with sorrow. It is such a roller coaster---going through the procedures, waiting for the call, picking myself back up after unfavorable news and just doing it all over again.

Back then, there was NO WAY I believed that we would have a child. I just felt like giving up. We did many procedures and ultimately three rounds of IVF. I traveled all over the place for other opinons and even emailed specialists all over the country. We still don't have an answer as to why we had such troubles--it seemed each specialist had a different diagnosis or vision of whether I would carry a child. Well, I now have two children, ages 6 and 7. The first child was conceived after three years of treatments, and the second came all on her own (I hear that happens quite often--she was such an unexpected gift--both girls were gifts from God).

I still have a very tender place in my heart for couples experiencing infertility. Even today, my heart gets completely squeezed and heavy as I walk past the corridor in the hospital where my old reproductive specialist has his office...the memories just flood right back. I promise that the pain gets better, Melissa. Rest in Him. His plan is not always apparent, but He will lift you and carry you through. I pray for you and your husband! I will pray that the treatments are successful and that you can hold your baby one day soon. God bless.


Anonymous said...

After reading others' comments this is what you were meant to blog about Melissa so that others could share their thoughts and journey so you are not alone and you have positive people all around you to lean on whether it is blogging about it with friends or talking. I believe their words will continue to help you go through this journey. I love you so much and have a nice day.... Amie

Meredith Jeannette said...

My heart reaches out to you in compassion and full understanding of what you are going through. Infertility is one of the hardest things to experience in life. Just know that with God is with you and your husband and will be working for you through the hands of your doctors. I will keep you on my prayer list and would love to hear about your experiences with IVF. We too are crossing the road of two failed IUI's and are laying all the options out on the table. Good luck to you and your husband.

Katie Spinks said...

hey there - I came across your blog and I think it was a "God" thing because I needed to hear what you wrote so thank you for being open and sharing your heart. My husband and I are struggling to get pregnant right now and we haven't started fertitily or anything yet but I understand some of your frustrations, disappointments and fears so thanks for sharing its nice to know Im not alone in my feelings and my sadness about not having a baby especially when it seems like everyone is having babies these days. If I can leave you with something that has encouraged me lately it is the simple yet so profound verse of Jeremiah 29:11 - He really does have a plan for both you and your husband as he does for me and my husband.

Anonymous said...

Hey Melissa!! I love reading your blog Melissa it really helps me to feel closer to you then ever before!! I know everything will be OK Melissa!! Just stay positive and try not to worry!! You and Chad are going to be incredible parents and I know things will work out for you two!!I Love you and Chad very much and I miss you both very much too!! Happy Proposal Anniversary!!

Jen said...

I know I've said it before, but if you have ANY questions related to IVF, or just want to talk or moan and complain about the shots, or whatever...please let me know! :) I've been in exactly your I understand...and I'm EXCITED for you during this scary and exciting time! I look back now at our experience and can't believe it was so long ago. But, I know that we'll be in exactly the same boat again when we want to have another baby.

So I guess what's weighing heavy on my heart is that while I'm sooooo thankful for the blessing of one child, I get scared to think we might not ever have more.

Thinking of and praying for you guys! I'll be checking in on your cycle progress!

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